The Economics of Relationship Building

by guest author, April Braswell

As both as Sales Maven and expert Online Personals Dating Coach, invariably people want me to mentor them.  We're having lunch or having a coffee (Peets or Starbucks and I'm perfectly happy, thanks.), and we get to that point in the conversation where things slow down a little and we pause, and there they are asking me, "April, how do you do it?  Please tell me.  And can you help me?"

In both cases, one of the reasons I do very well in both Sales and Dating and Relationship Coaching is... I network.

Now, I am not talking about that spamming each other crap either from Social Networking sites like MySpace or LinkedIn where there is so much FORM responses, "Thanks for the add!"  Nor do I mean the people in person who are racing around stuffing their business card into everyone's hand who will stand still for 3.7 seconds.

First off, I AM talking about get out there, and attend business and technology networking events.  I live and work in Silicon Valley.  Some of the ways I have met and know a number of people in the Web 2.0 executive team world is that I have MADE AN EFFORT and found the events they attended.  Here's a $27,000.00 idea I'll give you if you are trying to reach them.  Check out Meetup.com.  I mention that dollar amount because of business that was seeded months ago, was nurtured and leveraged, and indeed closed.  So, there's an economics application for you.

The other aspect of Networking and Economics is YOUR TIME.  Walking beside my late husband during his final months from cancer, I lived out that indeed TIME is the one commodity we have which we cannot simply replenish.  Money comes and goes.  We can always make more.  But TIME?  That's limited.  So, I want to make the best use of it that I can.  I want to leverage it.  And personally?  I want to invest it in relationships that I really want to have and enjoy.  

So, I make a point of attending events which are more niche-oriented towards whom I want to meet.  Now, that doesn't mean that attending the Chamber of Commerce events won't prove beneficial.  Just, everyone and everything is there and it might take 13 months of attending to stumble upon someone who is relevant for me, not to mention the months of building a relationship with someone with whom there is not alignment.  Communication and Relationship Building is an excellent skill set to develop, but so is discernment and discrimination (in its denotation of selecting) .  Still.  It's worth doing in your efforts to cast a wide net.  However, do be sure to niche-target your potential clientele (and romantic targets, too!) for really leveraging your time.  

Lastly, so many people who are just starting out with truly valuable networking, where they are genuinely helping other people, their lives, and their businesses, well, they feel unsure of themselves in approaching someone and talking with them.

A few things.

1.  Build your self-confidence and poise

2.  Practice, practice, practice - and this indeed will foster the building up of your self-confidence and poise.  Do this by practicing it inside of your head.  What will you say and do?  What will you wear?  How do you want to feel?   Play this over in your head repeatedly, say 37x, vividly, with emotion.  This one step will definitely help you build your confidence in networking.

3.  Initially go with a few colleagues or friends.  As you each meet people and chit chat with them, you can mutually introduce each other, gently jumping over your nervousness.  This also leverages your time as they and you are additional eyes and ears for each other.